Defeat It has only been a quarter of a year. It has somehow been an entire quarter of a fucking year without you. Grief is this endless bullshit cycle where one minute you are present for your “former” life and then you’re present for your life at this exact point. I consistently feel lost in … Continue reading Day 90
Coincidence? Tonight I attended an African tribal dance circle. Yep! You heard me right. 😂 let's be honest ok? It was not what my head had created. In the beginning self was so so loud. It was torture. As we began the lights remained on! Ummmmm excuse will you kindly shut that shit off?! Thank … Continue reading Day 87
I haven't been writing. I haven't taken the time to acknowledge my feelings in almost a month now. I have internally gone through the thought processes with brief moments of weakness but man I can snap my shit back together like a champ! I made it through Christmas there were bumps..... a shit ton of … Continue reading Day 83
Annoyance Let's talk about something that I literally get to deal with on a daily basis. To the people that call or approach me just to say "did you ever find out what happened to him" YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE! Nope no I do not know but honestly if I did I would not … Continue reading Day 66
Two I guess I should address this day. I have spent most of the day trying to figure out how it has only been two months and how you have already been gone for two FUCKING months. How? I literally feel like it has been years. So much has happened. My life is so so … Continue reading Day 62
“But I don’t smile like before” Life is getting the way I think. Our normal has begun. Things are slowing down. I can anticipate most of the next day. Life is getting good again. The only problem is the holidays. I could seriously skip over them and not feel even a tinge of sadness. The … Continue reading Day 56
Exploration I have been distant. Not in the way where you would see me and be like where has she been? More of a distant in myself feeling . I have been shoving the thoughts and feelings of Dave as far down as possible. I have been smiling through any emotion. I have been grabbing … Continue reading Day 46
Cameron I can't believe three years have passed without him. When I look back on my life there is no doubt that he helped me lose and find myself all at once. I don't say that negatively I would never change our time together. I have so many great great memories and of course the … Continue reading Day 39
Single Parent-ness The past 36 hours have been some of the hardest since Dave died. Being a single parent of one healthy child that has a permanent home, and preferably a girl, I am sure is stressful on it's own. I mean you do it all. LITERALLY! Between the normal wake up, get yourself ready, … Continue reading Day 36
Little things Lately there are a million things a day that make me miss you. It's like when you wake up in the middle of the night totally disoriented and slightly scared. Except it happens all the time. Whether it's grocery shopping where I still buy the things you ate and then weeks later I … Continue reading Day 33
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