Day 36

Single Parent-ness

The past 36 hours have been some of the hardest since Dave died. Being a single parent of one healthy child that has a permanent home, and preferably a girl, I am sure is stressful on it’s own. I mean you do it all. LITERALLY! Between the normal wake up, get yourself ready, get kid ready, pack lunch?, remember jackets, get in the car, take said child to daycare (praying they don’t freak out), get to work, work eight hours, get child, get into the house (much harder than you would think), make dinner, get child into some kind of bedtime routine, get yourself ready for bed, and go to sleep at a decent time because you wake up at 5:30 to get to work by 8. Don’t forget to do laundry, clean up, get groceries, get diapers and just baby shit, show up for people in any fashion really, and try to find “me time”. That <—- is for one child that does NOT have hand, foot, and mouth. Not only do I have one ill child, I have Aj so yeah enough said. Also I need to make money. That is a very real thing as I am THE only person to bring money into our household and I’m not sure if everyone knows this but money is basically water. So that’s cool. To just add to my marvelous list I am trying to move on Friday to give us a stable environment.Oh and I have my period…… Ok that was just a lot of venting. I am grateful. I am grateful for the ability to give my children a home. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for my amazing friends. I am grateful. Moral of this rant. Being a single parent is fucking hard. I’m exhausted. I miss having someone to lighten the load right when I hit my breaking point. The worst part is that people offer and I don’t know what they can even do because they are not Dave. They can not say ” I see you  want to become a mass murder right now so I will do this, this, and this. You do this, this, and this.” I just feel lost and alone. Maybe that is what being a single parent is. I always felt lost before but so did Dave and it was comforting. I always had him at the end of the day. Now I have me. UGH THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I’m a mess 😦

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