This weekend a family lost a pivotal piece. Opening the ever malicious social media I was greeted by a goodbye post. I read through it and my heart sank.Fuck.... what was his real name!He was well known by a nickname.As was Dave.I scrolled through Facebook seeing post after post.Being in October stings in ways you … Continue reading Day 1,455
“I've seen dark before, but not like thisThis is cold, this is empty, this is numbThe life I knew is over, the lights are outHello, darkness, I'm ready to succumbI follow you around, I always haveBut you've gone to a place I cannot findThis grief has a gravity, it pulls me down” It was around … Continue reading Day 1,182
Tomorrow is my birthday….I will be 31 years old. Much older than I had expected or wanted a decade ago. Actually almost exactly ten years ago I started my addiction. Getting shitfaced with some of my oldest friends at the time. Hiding that I was already high out of my mind; I had an omenous … Continue reading Day 967
“I finally see myself. Unabridged and overwhelmed, A mess of a story I’m ashamed to tell, but I’m slowly learning how to break this spell. And I finally see myself.” –Sleeping at Last (Three –Enneagram) Art is such a beautiful language In all shapes and forms Making my soul scream, cry, dance without reason, laugh … Continue reading Day 526
Im trying something new 😳😬 I have been recording my thoughts in the car and I had the idea that it might be cool to include “the back story” sometimes 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Ever have those moments when you realize suddenly that you are an adult? You are supposed to be an actual fucking adult! I don’t get that. I don't think I'm a real adult I don't. I don't know if I ever like knew how to be but then I see myself going to work every … Continue reading Day 391
I’m still searching. Endlessly reaching for something in the pitch black. As I drove to this event the words were bubbling. I was in my car screaming at myself. This is not metaphorical in the slightest. I was yelling at myself. “Why!? Why are you still tormenting me? Let me be. I feel beyond crazy. … Continue reading Day 381
I went to a writing workshop the other night. Before we began we went around the table introducing ourselves and who we had lost. As these woman spoke my heart ached. Here they were loss of husband, father, fiancé, a child. Some experiencing anticipatory grief. No matter. These were my people. I was at home … Continue reading Day 380
So much death. Both physically and metaphorically. I’m so fucking sick of death. I did not agree an eternity to death. I made a promise to my husband. To remain unwavering in the storm. I’m angry. God I am fucking angry again! Waves Waves Waves Ready? Steady? Go! ........... *BOOM* I have been searching endlessly … Continue reading Day 378
“They say, "You're a little much for me You're a liability You're a little much for me" So they pull back, make other plans I understand, I'm a liability Get you wild, make you leave I'm a little much for everyone” - Lorde Grief is so insidious. Giving you a mile when you ask for … Continue reading Day 374
The Optimistic Widow 