Day 345

I catch myself pretending you're at softball often. I am completely unsure that means progression or regression. This awaken is so painful. How many more times will I return to this same dark and empty island? I have jumped in to the murky waters it feels like a million times. Floundering about in a panic … Continue reading Day 345

Day 343

" I'll smile. I know what it takes to fool this town. I'll do it till the sun goes down and all through the night time. I'll tell you what you wanna hear but leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear. It's never the right time. I'll put my armor on so you … Continue reading Day 343

Day 341

"And all I've known. And all I've done. I take you along. Though you're not here I can feel you there. I take you along. When things don't make sense I have courage because of you. " -Brave for you (The xx) *I'm obsessed my bad 🙃* I was scrolling through memories today. It's a … Continue reading Day 341

Day 339

"Pain lies. Depression lies. Most of all, despair lies." -Anonymous My life feels like when you're taking off in an airplane. So noisy but nothing recognizable. You brace yourself randomly as the speed starts to freak you out, only to remember you've done this a dozen times before. Surrounded in every way but remaining as … Continue reading Day 339

Day 335

How long have I been dying? What is it like to wake up next to someone you have been married to for the past 50 years? Looking next to you at this person you have literally spent your whole life with. Laughing to yourself about the first gray hair freak out. Or all the creams … Continue reading Day 335

Day 334

Fuck I saw this picture scrolling through. I stopped momentarily only to realize I wasn't breathing and kept going. Inception. The tiniest idea left to my own devices. So begins the spiraling: Pictures from 2015 holding people that don't exist anymore. Playlists. Messages. Posts. Videos. Utter regret. Lately it feels like my walls are crumbling. … Continue reading Day 334

Day 332

People come in and out of our lives. Many leaving less than lasting impressions. There are those though that walk in and you wonder how you even functioned the week before. I have two coworkers that have literally changed the course of my grief path. Little do they know the impact they have left. When I … Continue reading Day 332

Day 331 (and 1/2)

"I'm sorry Taylor can't come to the phone now. Why? Because she's dead." -T Swift I feel like maybe he's trying to talk to me. All outlets in my life are running towards the same conclusion: I am not the same Jessica I used to be and that's ok. That's ok. This evening I was … Continue reading Day 331 (and 1/2)

Day 331

Me: Aj were you a superhero during your nap at the doctor? Aj: No no no Mama. Aj.Daddy. Park. Sleep. 😧 Three nights ago I laid in bed staring at my son. Taking in the rise and fall of his chest, holding him close while he watched Monsters Inc for the hundredth time. Seeing your … Continue reading Day 331

Day 303

"Why did you leave me here to burn? I'm way too young to be this hurt. Do you care? Do you care? Why don't you care? I was there. I was there when no one was. Now you're gone and I'm here. I have questions. I have questions haunting me." -Camila Cabello I am losing … Continue reading Day 303