Day 345

I catch myself pretending you’re at softball often. I am completely unsure that means progression or regression. This awaken is so painful. How many more times will I return to this same dark and empty island? I have jumped in to the murky waters it feels like a million times. Floundering about in a panic only to wash up on shore all over again. I want off of this ride.
As your death day arrives I feel the icy fingers gripping on to me. I am unaware of my life. I spend each day just trying, praying, clawing my way to the end. What kind of life is this? I know not how I will be as I return to where I last saw you. I want to say goodbye. To move on because this, this “life” that we exist in on the outskirts is harming us both.
I have lost so many in the change. Memories of people who once cared for us both. And now? Now it’s just me. Where were you when I obviously was collapsing. What kind of surface level forced interaction are we going to endure. You once knew everything about me but that was before and this is now. It’s to be expected though right? Lol this world is full of people who run from reality. I’m running into it like a typhoon and I refuse to turn around. The only way out is through. In the end though no one really knows me anymore.
If I died today they would mourn the loss of a stranger tomorrow.
“It’s the waves” I tell myself
“Tomorrow the sun will rise and you will make it another day”

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