" When you swallow someone whole, you are bound to choke" -Walk the Moon I haven’t been writing. For fear that the pain will seep further into my veins. That I will drive even more of the living away. What if I admit I’m not doing great? Will I crumble under the weight of longing … Continue reading Day 806
Steady your breath.It’s sharp I know.Nothing new to you. Today I lost trust in the last person I believed I could depend on.My life has been a series of smiles that slowly diminish into frowns dripping in tears. I had to ground myself.“Shed all that no longer serves you.” Loss.Loss.Loss.LOSS! I am so tired.I miss … Continue reading Day 783
I am having this issue…. Ruminating about how for so long now I have had a longing for something.Usually very specified in intent for me.I longed for Prescott.I long for Christmas of 2002.I longed for my Mom’s old house in Colorado.I long for my dog.I longed for my husband. What I say next does not … Continue reading Day 778
But she was like my mom ......? Loss doesn't discriminate. This hurts. I’ve been wanting to text my aunt. About spiritual questions. About how long you cook a pork loin. About the kids. About dealing with this new grief. About the stupid mundane pointless communication. I want to text my aunt and received ten messages … Continue reading Day 766
"I have made sacrifices So many sacrifices I done gave up so much free time knowing time ain’t free Fuck it, I sacrificed it To get ahead man you gotta make sacrifices Fuck it though, that's how hungry my appetite is" - Big Sean (Sacrifices) I might disintegrate. This feels like another piece of me … Continue reading Day 733 (Hiatus)
West - Sleeping at Last Laying wide awake. I looked next to me. The vast emptiness. I run my hand over “your” side. Time has worn away the indentations only you could create. It has now been my bed longer than it was ever our bed. I thought back to laying in the bed at … Continue reading Day 730 (Ending of 2)
***To actively feel this writing please listen to the music suggested*** Get comfy. Feet planted on the floor or maybe one on top of your favorite body pillow. Grab a blanket. Or sit on your favorite rug in your reading nook. Find the quiet. The peace. Find your space. Whatever that is. No right. No … Continue reading Day 729
Mourning Bitches! In the mess of September I went against almost everything I say I stand for. I try to be kind and loving. I want to support to those who feel they have no one in the corner. Widows, non-widows, mental illness, artists, those that need a laugh, fill in the blank _________ Not … Continue reading Day 728
It’s like sludge Beginning to fill my lungs I know this feeling I knew it was coming It always returns Loss becomes me I am not scared Not as I was last year I know you are here I know that in the end I will find only this I can endure this storm … Continue reading Day 727
“There's no shadow you won’t light up. Mountain you won’t climb up coming after me” -Reckless Love (Cory Ashbury) I must have been forgiven.... For something... I feel as though I am sitting still in the middle of the rock concert. So surreal to finally step back to see the whole picture. Reprioritizing one area … Continue reading Day 726
optimisticwidow.com 