Do you ever wake up to the sense that you were waited on? Whether it is self or another, your eyes flutter open and for a second you feel completely present mixed with arriving for a holiday embraced in joy.One of my favorite artists is Taylor Swift.I relate to her self reflection and desire to … Continue reading Day 1,521
Dave’s death day has been stalking me.Like a song stuck on repeat.Or chosen repetition.I’m never sure if I create my own black holes or if I do truly just stumble and fall within.I laid my hand on the tile again.It’s cold with droplets of warmth from the running shower.This feels so much like my grief.... … Continue reading Day 1,461
This weekend a family lost a pivotal piece. Opening the ever malicious social media I was greeted by a goodbye post. I read through it and my heart sank.Fuck.... what was his real name!He was well known by a nickname.As was Dave.I scrolled through Facebook seeing post after post.Being in October stings in ways you … Continue reading Day 1,455
When I woke up Sunday morning I felt that same old trepidation.Rolling over there was my son.Breathing softly.I watched the rise and fall of his chest as rays of sunlight swept across my bedroom.Highlighting dust floating the air and reflecting off of tchotchkes lining my window sill.The purple brontosaurs stuffed with an unkillable purple succulent.It … Continue reading Day 1,442
"September Song"- Agnes Obel Please listen to the musical selection while reading to properly experience In January, I want to say, I started listening to podcasts on my way to work.It began with ones about astrology or tarot.Back then I was constantly seeking.Not sure what I was looking for but that had really been a … Continue reading Day 1,428
In 2017 I remember being beyond excited to get to moments like this.Sunday.Sun rising.The perfect fluff on the pillows behind me from a night of mushing and flipping them all over.That early morning stillness draped across the house.The sound of Ajs little snores. One of my cherished nosies in the world!In the room at my … Continue reading Day 1,426
To say I have been silent is incorrect.I speak.Often.Loudly.Just not about me anymore.Not about the real me at least.I once had words for everything.As all else seemed to trickle through my fingers on this river of life I still had words.My sole companion.The truest version of me I could find.I dug deep into the darkness … Continue reading Day 1,414
Last night I sat in the rain.Purposefully.Asking Pachamama to heal me.This isolation is so challenging.On so many levels.I feel as though I have taken a trillion steps backwards in a matter of days. When I use to live with my aunt there were so many aspects I struggled to understand.Now that I am growing older … Continue reading Day 1,277
“Every inch of me is tremblingBut not from the coldSomething is familiarLike a dream I can reach but not quite holdI can sense you thereLike a friend I've always knownI'm arrivingAnd it feels like I am home I have always been a fortressCold secrets deep insideYou have secrets, tooBut you don't have to hide” This … Continue reading Day 1,239
“I've seen dark before, but not like thisThis is cold, this is empty, this is numbThe life I knew is over, the lights are outHello, darkness, I'm ready to succumbI follow you around, I always haveBut you've gone to a place I cannot findThis grief has a gravity, it pulls me down” It was around … Continue reading Day 1,182
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