Mourning Bitches!
In the mess of September I went against almost everything I say I stand for.
I try to be kind and loving.
I want to support to those who feel they have no one in the corner.
Widows, non-widows, mental illness, artists, those that need a laugh, fill in the blank _________
Not even just women.
I want to help individuals as a whole feel empowered.
Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, things come from pausing for a second and saying “Hey you’re really good at drawing I would love to see more.” Or “I believe in you! You got this shit!”
Who am I to deny this compassion, which I crave, to another?
Unfortunately I allowed my own self justifications and sorrow to enable me to attack.
Another widow as if it were not bad enough…….
The remorse I have felt in the aftermath of this occurrence has been nothing short of eye opening.
The bilateral implosion I had become in that week would have sliced open even saints.
The worst part has to be that: IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!
Nothing.
I was just hurting so bad.
From the inside out I was H U R T I N G.
That fact matters not.
What matters is that I fell so short of the woman I want to be.
The woman I should be.
The woman I say I am.
I am grateful for this moment in my realm.
She was not meant to remain in my space but has created ripples of growth so desperately needed.
If my actions are not meeting my words than who am I?
It is important to be able to hold oneself accountable
To the universe at the very least.
No more justifications.
I am done with crutches.
It’s never good to put that much hate and distrust into the world.
Especially with innocent people.
May I be open enough to see and hear only truth.
May I grow like a sunflower.
Tall.
Peaceful.
Resilient.
Consistent.
The Optimistic Widow 