Me: Aj were you a superhero during your nap at the doctor? Aj: No no no Mama. Aj.Daddy. Park. Sleep. 😧 Three nights ago I laid in bed staring at my son. Taking in the rise and fall of his chest, holding him close while he watched Monsters Inc for the hundredth time. Seeing your … Continue reading Day 331
"Why did you leave me here to burn? I'm way too young to be this hurt. Do you care? Do you care? Why don't you care? I was there. I was there when no one was. Now you're gone and I'm here. I have questions. I have questions haunting me." -Camila Cabello I am losing … Continue reading Day 303
"Slow down. Start again from the beginning. I can't stop my head from spinning out of control. Is this what being vulnerable feels like? And I run the risk of being intimate with my brokenness. Through this magnifying glass I see a thousand finger prints on the surface of who I am." -SAL #blackwidowx2 Although … Continue reading Day 288
I wasn't going to address your sobriety birthday. I'm still mad at AA. I'm mad and I'm grateful. What kind of fucked up world do I live in? As I was deciding whether or not to even acknowledge the day I realized how much you gave to our community. You were the kind of man … Continue reading Day 287
What am I thinking of? What am I thinking of? What am I ....... The rain drops hit the windshield and my mind wanders. Are you watching me? Do you judge me? I would. I am a total shit can of a storm. What the fuck is my purpose? I am lost. Again. A empty … Continue reading Day 272
I put Aj to bed and you hit me. You hit like a ton of bricks. My chest constricted as a million thoughts played bumper cars in my head. How is it that you are still gone? My mind cannot wrap around the thought that you are not just out there living somewhere far away. … Continue reading Day 264
I want to numb you out. I want to wake up one morning with no memory of you. At this point any memory good or bad stings like a poison slowly seeping into my bloodstream. Like a cancer slowly killing me organ by organ. I want to be at the point where I look back … Continue reading Day 257
I was sitting at my desk. Just sitting like any other day. Then suddenly flashes. Flashes of us folding laundry together and you making fun of me for procrastinating. Walking over to you and grabbing your face to look you in the eyes and saying  how in love with you I still was. Our marriage … Continue reading Day 251
@butiyoga @goldenrationutrition Day 1 #dare2barechallenge Who am I? Lol god how many times have I asked myself this very question? I am a loving daughter. A mother of two. A dedicated worker. A survivor of heroin addiction. A warrior out of ashes of abuse. A young widow. I am Jess. I started my journey of … Continue reading Dare2Bare
Grandma E, As I think back on the past almost decade you were a constant in a world that was full of chaos at one point. Though we weren't "close" you never made me feel less than. Thank you. I think that is the biggest and most profound thing I can say. Thank you for … Continue reading Loss
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