So much death. Both physically and metaphorically. I’m so fucking sick of death. I did not agree an eternity to death. I made a promise to my husband. To remain unwavering in the storm. I’m angry. God I am fucking angry again! Waves Waves Waves Ready? Steady? Go! ........... *BOOM* I have been searching endlessly … Continue reading Day 378
“They say, "You're a little much for me You're a liability You're a little much for me" So they pull back, make other plans I understand, I'm a liability Get you wild, make you leave I'm a little much for everyone” - Lorde Grief is so insidious. Giving you a mile when you ask for … Continue reading Day 374
One of the things I respected most about Dave was the close relationship he maintained with his parents. He had not always been able to show up as the son he would have wanted to be. So he made sure to put effort in daily to be who he believed his parents deserved. It was … Continue reading Day 372
Grief is ever evolving. It’s not just the initial loss. Though that is the picture we attach to said grief. It’s two to three losses a day. A hundred a month. And thousands within a year. It’s standing in line at the check out counter laughing to yourself about an inside joke you had with … Continue reading Day 370
You need to write... You need to write Jess! I don’t know about others but when I need to write I NEED TO WRITE! I get shaky and the chills. My mind races. Until I open my notepad and begin. Like a creative flu. I’m at this point in my grief cycle where I don’t … Continue reading Day 365
Sitting in a bed we had once shared together. That was our sons first “big boy” bed. The one that has a rock n rye stain in the right corner. Now sitting in your brothers old room. I was consumed with the thought that I would need to go downstairs. That is where I left … Continue reading Day 361
You know those times where you realize what a strong woman you are but suddenly panic because you don’t know how you’ve done it. I can feel it like a surge in the ocean building power. What’s coming? Am I strong enough? Awakening colliding with killing I can feel the crash It’s like being drunk … Continue reading Day 359
Slowly opening my eyes I pause to take a breath. You know where you are. Driving into the Detroit the tears just fell. Turning onto Gratiot I felt like there was no way I could do this. A swirl of coming home and complete fear. When did this become home? How? Fucking Detroit. You loved … Continue reading Day 360
My first husband was never really my husband. In the world of drugs every dude needs an old lady. Their ride or die. For years I was his. Even when I wasn’t I was. Our souls entwined. Yesterday I was able to have closure around my first loss. Many times I have pointed the finger … Continue reading Day 358
You are the end to my beginning. Everything and nothing all at once. You’re memories rip through this tiny little island I have become. Leaving me desolate and unable to see through my now ill adjusted eyes. How can one soul have such force. If not him then why? Why would the human mind allow … Continue reading Day 353
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