Slowly opening my eyes I pause to take a breath. You know where you are. Driving into the Detroit the tears just fell. Turning onto Gratiot I felt like there was no way I could do this. A swirl of coming home and complete fear. When did this become home? How? Fucking Detroit. You loved this place to your very core and now so do I. I sat at the yield sign just a house over from yours sobbing.
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
You already are
Pulling up to your Dad was almost too much to bare. I recollected any minimal shred of sanity I still had floating around. Then suddenly I felt calm. Why? I was so close to the last place we had been together. Are you still here?
I was directly over where you took your last breaths as I laid down in bed. I thought sleeping in this house was enough to literally make me vomit in the days before. Now it was like coming home for Christmas or a hug from your best friend after months and months apart. I slept the best I have in months. I felt peace in my very bones.
Thought:
If I do make it through will I know? What will I do? Everything in my brain is rewired to you. My very existence at this point is to document the lack of yours.
I feel you Poopa.
Show me. Teach me. Guide me.
The Optimistic Widow 