Exploration I have been distant. Not in the way where you would see me and be like where has she been? More of a distant in myself feeling . I have been shoving the thoughts and feelings of Dave as far down as possible. I have been smiling through any emotion. I have been grabbing … Continue reading Day 46
Cameron I can't believe three years have passed without him. When I look back on my life there is no doubt that he helped me lose and find myself all at once. I don't say that negatively I would never change our time together. I have so many great great memories and of course the … Continue reading Day 39
Single Parent-ness The past 36 hours have been some of the hardest since Dave died. Being a single parent of one healthy child that has a permanent home, and preferably a girl, I am sure is stressful on it's own. I mean you do it all. LITERALLY! Between the normal wake up, get yourself ready, … Continue reading Day 36
Little things Lately there are a million things a day that make me miss you. It's like when you wake up in the middle of the night totally disoriented and slightly scared. Except it happens all the time. Whether it's grocery shopping where I still buy the things you ate and then weeks later I … Continue reading Day 33
Drowning Today has been hard. Though I spent most of the day doing "me time" I still found my self struggling. It seemed like after every minute or two I would think to myself I should text him. I should ask his opinion. I just send him a picture. It was a hard realization once … Continue reading Day 31
Growth If a year ago you would've told me that I would be in a buti class I would've laughed in your face. I never thought that I would even consider walking into a gym let alone a buti class. I like others I just assumed it was a bunch of conceded women in a … Continue reading Day 29
Spirituality Some are super against religion and you know what I get it and that's fine but I have learned in my life it is impossible for me to not believe in something larger than myself. I do not go to church but I'm not against it. I don't confess my sins but I do … Continue reading Day 27
Sobriety Let me be perfectly clear. I do NOT want to be sober. To my very core it is the very last thing my head wants. And believe me when I say "self" is having a heyday with all of this. As it sat and waited patiently, as always, somehow it was given the one … Continue reading Day 26
Grief is by far harder than any depression, anxiety, or even sobriety. I makes you question everything. It's full of long wide awake nights and days filled with lumps in your throat. It's about perseverance when every part of you screams to give up. It's also about growth. Even when you cry in the shower … Continue reading Grief
Hindsight UGH! Dear Poopas, I am realizing as I maneuver through all of the different things that need to be done how much you actually did. That's right babe I was wrong! You did a lot! Maybe not in the day to day stuff like we would always fight about. In the big scheme things … Continue reading Day 23
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