Day 27

Spirituality

Some are super against religion and you know what I get it and that’s fine but I have learned in my life it is impossible for me to not believe in something larger than myself. I do not go to church but I’m not against it. I don’t confess my sins but I do try to live rigorously honest. Nor do I give up anything for lent. I do however live by the principle of “treat others as you would want to be treated”. So far my higher power is digging it. I have believed in a higher power since getting sober but through this process my cement has turned to diamond. I can not believe the who’s, the where’s, and the what’s that have come my way in the past month. Just today, I had someone reach out to me that I had never met before. She lives in my old house. The one that I lived in with Dave before we left. She told me that my mail still arrived there an no matter what she did it would come back. Then she said she had been thinking about me often and decided to try to find me on Facebook. She then realized how much we have in common. Saying that we were both widowed suddenly with young children to care for. While others may have been freaked out as she was talking tears were welling in my eyes. It felt as though we had known each other for a long time. I also felt a sense of peace. I can’t pinpoint what it was for or about but I have learned to listen to my intuition it hasn’t failed me yet. Today I also somehow was blessed with the opportunity to rent a place completely by myself. I may be 28 but this is a first for me. Also something I was terrified might not be achievable. I have learned over time to depend on a man for certain things which seems utterly ridiculous since I felt like I was independent. Thought. I’m learning now what true independence looks like. It’s a real bitch by the way. I cannot even lie to myself, something maybe someone is and has been looking out for me for a long time. I have had so many reach out and say they are praying for our family. While many may say thank you politely but think “what good will that do” I truly believe all of those prayers have helped me to continue fighting. The energy in the universe is all love coming straight at my little family and I couldn’t be more grateful for it or the ability to be aware. I may end my day with tears but when I close my eyes I know we will all be ok. Growth is messy and ugly but so are caterpillars before they grow their wings.