Day 778

I am having this issue…. Ruminating about how for so long now I have had a longing for something.Usually very specified in intent for me.I longed for Prescott.I long for Christmas of 2002.I longed for my Mom’s old house in Colorado.I long for my dog.I longed for my husband. What I say next does not … Continue reading Day 778

Day 766

But she was like my mom ......? Loss doesn't discriminate. This hurts. I’ve been wanting to text my aunt. About spiritual questions. About how long you cook a pork loin. About the kids. About dealing with this new grief. About the stupid mundane pointless communication. I want to text my aunt and received ten messages … Continue reading Day 766

Day 733 (Hiatus)

"I have made sacrifices So many sacrifices I done gave up so much free time knowing time ain’t free Fuck it, I sacrificed it To get ahead man you gotta make sacrifices Fuck it though, that's how hungry my appetite is" - Big Sean (Sacrifices) I might disintegrate. This feels like another piece of me … Continue reading Day 733 (Hiatus)

Day 730 (Ending of 2)

West - Sleeping at Last Laying wide awake. I looked next to me. The vast emptiness. I run my hand over “your” side. Time has worn away the indentations only you could create. It has now been my bed longer than it was ever our bed. I thought back to laying in the bed at … Continue reading Day 730 (Ending of 2)

Day 729

***To actively feel this writing please listen to the music suggested*** Get comfy. Feet planted on the floor or maybe one on top of your favorite body pillow. Grab a blanket. Or sit on your favorite rug in your reading nook. Find the quiet. The peace. Find your space. Whatever that is. No right. No … Continue reading Day 729

Day 728

Mourning Bitches! In the mess of September I went against almost everything I say I stand for. I try to be kind and loving. I want to support to those who feel they have no one in the corner. Widows, non-widows, mental illness, artists, those that need a laugh, fill in the blank _________ Not … Continue reading Day 728

Day 727

It’s like sludge Beginning to fill my lungs I know this feeling I knew it was coming It always returns Loss becomes me   I am not scared Not as I was last year I know you are here I know that in the end I will find only this I can endure this storm … Continue reading Day 727

Day 726

“There's no shadow you won’t light up. Mountain you won’t climb up coming after me” -Reckless Love (Cory Ashbury) I must have been forgiven.... For something... I feel as though I am sitting still in the middle of the rock concert. So surreal to finally step back to see the whole picture. Reprioritizing one area … Continue reading Day 726

Day 725

(The duality of processing trauma) Are you processing grief or processing loss? When a heavy “grief wave” comes is it really just loss? This question was posed to me and I struggled to find a response. Grief has been everything. All I've known for years now. What if I am the one keeping myself sick? … Continue reading Day 725

Day 703

"Good God, what have I done? Gone and left the only one That ever really, truly, deeply loved me Honestly, how stupid could I be? My poor heart your demons want You turned dark, picked out a gun In the incapable hands of your master Downworth spiral, bound for disaster" "You are not well.” My … Continue reading Day 703