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How long does it usually take to wake up? I feel as though I have been waking up in larger ways slowly over time since 2012…. Maybe even before? No 2012 was when I decided I would at least attempt to fight for me. I was thinking about the act of waking up. I set … Continue reading Day 908

Yesterday I did some mass purging. I went through the mess I created throughout the winter. This was no metaphorical clutter, in fact this clutter was all too physical. As I sorted through old mail I threw into random drawers littered throughout my apartment, scraps of paper with random dialects and excess of those things … Continue reading Day 894

I am wavering again. In and among the trees I once knew so well. The light reflects in patterns. As if to invite me in. I hear Of Monsters and Men. Walk the Moon in the wind. It stings like winter never came. What if that was it? Winter came and froze over this heart … Continue reading Day 889

Dear tiny Jess, My morning meditation brought on a tidal wave of clarity. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. It’s time to take back my innocent eyed little explorer. It’s time to dig and deep and pull out any lingering skewed ideals. To look directly at my deepest fears and address … Continue reading Day 862

This evening I was challenged. I was staring directly at one of my deep rooted fears. I know I am not alone in this. I had financial insecurity out the roof, I fell short as a mother, and was embarrassed as a member of society. I took the kids to the store to grab some … Continue reading Day 847

Bath time meditations 🧘‍♀️ "Dear insecurity I hate the way you make me feel I hate the things you make me think You make me sick to my stomach I wish that I wasn’t me Some days, when I wake up I see myself in the mirror I feel like what shouldn’t be couldn’t be … Continue reading Day 828

" When you swallow someone whole, you are bound to choke" -Walk the Moon I haven’t been writing. For fear that the pain will seep further into my veins. That I will drive even more of the living away. What if I admit I’m not doing great? Will I crumble under the weight of longing … Continue reading Day 806

Steady your breath.It’s sharp I know.Nothing new to you. Today I lost trust in the last person I believed I could depend on.My life has been a series of smiles that slowly diminish into frowns dripping in tears. I had to ground myself.“Shed all that no longer serves you.” Loss.Loss.Loss.LOSS! I am so tired.I miss … Continue reading Day 783

I am having this issue…. Ruminating about how for so long now I have had a longing for something.Usually very specified in intent for me.I longed for Prescott.I long for Christmas of 2002.I longed for my Mom’s old house in Colorado.I long for my dog.I longed for my husband. What I say next does not … Continue reading Day 778