Author: theoptimisticwidow

My mind has been quiet. I hear only the sound of waves splashing into the dock. Or the land meeting the water. A cool but comforting breeze with each impact. The recesses of my mind are bringing up Annapolis. I watch the video of the water I took. The buoy gently rocking and ringing in … Continue reading Day 694

"Days went by, And amusement cried, I decide to let My soul fly on by itself, Pick happiness up and Bring it back to the shelf We'll be okay one day, In a valley we will stay” -O.A.R.I received your mom’s book today. Well really yesterday but I needed to muster up the courage to … Continue reading Day 693

I cursed God earlier. “Coward” I gruffly whispered walking away. I often feel abandoned by ..... probably everything. Especially this. I was defeated. Until I realized I had one of those weekends I prayed to God for. For years now. It’s terrifying. We went to Ikea and mutually agreed that IS ground zero. We super … Continue reading Jeepers

I’m not lost. I’m exploring. I keep coming back to this place where you are supposed to find: Life. Forgiveness. Salvation. Freedom. I come here in faith that maybe.... maybe my soul will rattle. Standing among those who believe I feel stuck in the very tomb that is supposedly to fall if you utter surrender. … Continue reading Day 689

I thought about the steam rising from the concrete today. How a mist covered all spaces one would want mist, to feel alive. I had on beautiful indie acoustic. Hand out the window Fingers playing with the clouds passing by. I took a deep breath and smiled one of those smiles you have as your … Continue reading Day 687

They say you can see exactly how someone loves you by the way they photograph you. May we never stop trying to capture the feeling of right now. It’s like an itch I just can’t not scratch it It took me longer than you I fought it I didn’t believe the words that fell from … Continue reading Day 674

“God I love that smell” There it is. Man wash. Manpoo. Beard conditioner? They make that stuff? All of these wonderful, glorious, exhilarating masculine smelling items littered about my bathroom. “You’re smiling to yourself again” whispered with a giggle under the hot water. Steam encompassing me. Showers have always been my safe space. Baths too. … Continue reading Day 672

I have been writing about you a lot. Heavy on my mind always. As the years of grief continue it seems that my missing you blends seamlessly with my longing for Dave. I catch myself often looking towards the skies and asking as a unit the next move. Then I digress into knowing the parts … Continue reading Day 659

I woke up to the feeling of your breath gently rustling the peach fuzz on my shoulder. You didn’t know yet but I had made the decision to let myself fall for you. Laying there with you pretzeled throughout my limbs I could not help but smile. Here was this man. The most random of … Continue reading Day 656