Day 693

“Days went by,

And amusement cried,

I decide to let

My soul fly on by itself,

Pick happiness up and

Bring it back to the shelf

We’ll be okay one day,

In a valley we will stay” -O.A.R.

I received your mom’s book today.

Well really yesterday but I needed to muster up the courage to lift it.

I grabbed the manila amazon bag and ripped open the top.



God I am always reminding myself to do the most simple of human necessities.

Peering inside the bubble wrapped envelope all I see is this almost Van Gogh like swirl of blue.

Shaking I jammed my hand in.

It’s smooth.



The pages are crisp.

“How many pages is it?” I ask myself.

I haven’t read a thing since the book that she actually sent me a year ago “The Cure for Sorrow”.

I close my eyes pull the book out throwing it to my lap with my left hand while my right violently crumples up the bag it was just housed in for a few days.

Deep deep breath.

I open the cover, eyes closed.


There you are!


I legitimately jumped in the freaking car!

Flood of emotions.

It was like I could hear your voice for a second. At the very least your laugh.

Breathing shallows.

I’m staring off.

Panic attack?

Suddenly as I meet my own eyes in the rear view mirror I snap back.

My body returns to the normal level of daily exhaustion.

That all too familiar blanket of calm.

And that? No matter. Compose yourself again. Get into work. The world does not pause no matter how badly your heart aches.

I love you Monks. #oar #monkeylove #missyoualways #fromherointohope

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