It’s not too often I am at a loss for words. Yet this year your birthday rings truer than ever before. I am no longer able to turn a blind eye and tell myself you are living, just somewhere else. The fog of Dave has receded far enough that there you are. In front of … Continue reading Day 403
I miss you more than I loved you. It occurred to me how fucked it is. How true that one sentence is to me. Like it’s ridiculous. Obviously I loved my husband. Who grieves like this if they didn’t care? I loved him. But we, we weren’t perfect. No one is perfect. No relationship is … Continue reading Day 397
New Recording 3 I’m having this war in my head. Where I’m starting to have feelings for someone else and I don’t know if it’s reality interjecting or if it’s my grief. Sorry that was the first time I said that out loud I guess. It seems that my grief overtakes everything. It’s hard because … Continue reading Day 394
Im trying something new 😳😬 I have been recording my thoughts in the car and I had the idea that it might be cool to include “the back story” sometimes 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Ever have those moments when you realize suddenly that you are an adult? You are supposed to be an actual fucking adult! I don’t get that. I don't think I'm a real adult I don't. I don't know if I ever like knew how to be but then I see myself going to work every … Continue reading Day 391
I’m still searching. Endlessly reaching for something in the pitch black. As I drove to this event the words were bubbling. I was in my car screaming at myself. This is not metaphorical in the slightest. I was yelling at myself. “Why!? Why are you still tormenting me? Let me be. I feel beyond crazy. … Continue reading Day 381
I went to a writing workshop the other night. Before we began we went around the table introducing ourselves and who we had lost. As these woman spoke my heart ached. Here they were loss of husband, father, fiancé, a child. Some experiencing anticipatory grief. No matter. These were my people. I was at home … Continue reading Day 380
So much death. Both physically and metaphorically. I’m so fucking sick of death. I did not agree an eternity to death. I made a promise to my husband. To remain unwavering in the storm. I’m angry. God I am fucking angry again! Waves Waves Waves Ready? Steady? Go! ........... *BOOM* I have been searching endlessly … Continue reading Day 378
“They say, "You're a little much for me You're a liability You're a little much for me" So they pull back, make other plans I understand, I'm a liability Get you wild, make you leave I'm a little much for everyone” - Lorde Grief is so insidious. Giving you a mile when you ask for … Continue reading Day 374
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