"If only you knew- the sunlight shines a little brighter, the weight of the world's a little lighter, the stars lean in a little closer all because of you. I want to see you lift your chin a little higher, open your eyes a little wider, speak your mind a little louder, 'cause you are … Continue reading Day 513
I felt weak today. My body was tired. Demanding to be heard. The opening was they all needed. Devious minions. The ghost of my past have been doing a Mexican hat dance around me. The loudest one currently is the one who abused me at 15. He was not a bad person overall. I don’t … Continue reading Day 510
My heart is so heavy Sitting at the kitchen table without Tucker to try to steal the kids food is so foreign. I actually miss him grabbing the chicken from Izzy’s hand. Something that drove me nuts at the end of a long day. On Tuesday my soul knew. I heard my aunt and uncle … Continue reading Tuk Mon
*Crunch* *Crunch* I know that sound. I love hate that sound. The reassuring noise of the gravel beneath me as I walk deeper into my own labyrinth. God “the pit of my stomach is a dark fucking place.” I guess some days, months, years ...... No! Some lives are just more challenging overall. Eventually it … Continue reading Day 508
I made the mistake of thinking about us. Suddenly the oxygen was depleted around me. I became a vessel once again. I looked around at my room unable to identify anything. I was a stranger in my own life. Izzy starts babbling just waking up from her nap. *gasp* Nothing Like I am existing on … Continue reading Day 502
This is a video from November 2017. I made it for this amazing group I am apart of called Stigmatized: The Suicide Survivors Journey. To share my story. The part I don't like to share. I never posted it for them at the time. I was beyond scared to be completely vulnerable. After making it … Continue reading Day 501
I arrived calm. I was ok. Surprisingly even after yet another goodbye to a best friend. (I know all to well what comes in the months ahead.) I got to the airport two hours early so I called my Dad. It was nice to talk again. I think I’ve distanced myself. Especially after the realization … Continue reading Day 494
One of the things I appreciate most about myself is my ability to completely self destruct and begin construction within a few hours. That is not to say I do not process. That I don’t honor my feelings and emotions. That somehow I have shoved it down again. This is not my way. I spend … Continue reading Day 489
An adult relationship: I want to jump of a cliff into everything we could be but kids and responsibilities I want to spend every second from this moment on with you but work and reality. I want to build home and family with no one else but you but distance..... but doubt really. I don’t … Continue reading Day 488
I feel weak today. Ironic since I felt so empowered just 48 hours ago. I felt weak at work. Incompetent. Incapable. Insecure. I walked into a meeting to train others on something I don’t fully understand and was physically shaking. Many times each day I feel inadequate. That my 150% that I never had to … Continue reading Day 485
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