I felt weak today. My body was tired. Demanding to be heard. The opening was they all needed. Devious minions. The ghost of my past have been doing a Mexican hat dance around me. The loudest one currently is the one who abused me at 15. He was not a bad person overall. I don’t … Continue reading Day 510
My heart is so heavy Sitting at the kitchen table without Tucker to try to steal the kids food is so foreign. I actually miss him grabbing the chicken from Izzy’s hand. Something that drove me nuts at the end of a long day. On Tuesday my soul knew. I heard my aunt and uncle … Continue reading Tuk Mon
*Crunch* *Crunch* I know that sound. I love hate that sound. The reassuring noise of the gravel beneath me as I walk deeper into my own labyrinth. God “the pit of my stomach is a dark fucking place.” I guess some days, months, years ...... No! Some lives are just more challenging overall. Eventually it … Continue reading Day 508
I made the mistake of thinking about us. Suddenly the oxygen was depleted around me. I became a vessel once again. I looked around at my room unable to identify anything. I was a stranger in my own life. Izzy starts babbling just waking up from her nap. *gasp* Nothing Like I am existing on … Continue reading Day 502
This is a video from November 2017. I made it for this amazing group I am apart of called Stigmatized: The Suicide Survivors Journey. To share my story. The part I don't like to share. I never posted it for them at the time. I was beyond scared to be completely vulnerable. After making it … Continue reading Day 501
I arrived calm. I was ok. Surprisingly even after yet another goodbye to a best friend. (I know all to well what comes in the months ahead.) I got to the airport two hours early so I called my Dad. It was nice to talk again. I think I’ve distanced myself. Especially after the realization … Continue reading Day 494
One of the things I appreciate most about myself is my ability to completely self destruct and begin construction within a few hours. That is not to say I do not process. That I don’t honor my feelings and emotions. That somehow I have shoved it down again. This is not my way. I spend … Continue reading Day 489
An adult relationship: I want to jump of a cliff into everything we could be but kids and responsibilities I want to spend every second from this moment on with you but work and reality. I want to build home and family with no one else but you but distance..... but doubt really. I don’t … Continue reading Day 488
I feel weak today. Ironic since I felt so empowered just 48 hours ago. I felt weak at work. Incompetent. Incapable. Insecure. I walked into a meeting to train others on something I don’t fully understand and was physically shaking. Many times each day I feel inadequate. That my 150% that I never had to … Continue reading Day 485
“Around here, it's the hardest time of year. Waking up, the days are even gone. The collar of my coat Lord help me, cannot help the cold. The raindrops sting my eyes I keep them closed. I'm all right. Don't I seem to be? Aren't I swinging on the stars? Don't I wear them on my … Continue reading Day 483
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