Tag: #dead

Im trying something new 😳😬 I have been recording my thoughts in the car and I had the idea that  it might be cool to include “the back story” sometimes 🙏🙏🙏🙏  

Ever have those moments when you realize suddenly that you are an adult? You are supposed to be an actual fucking adult! I don’t get that. I don't think I'm a real adult I don't. I don't know if I ever like knew how to be but then I see myself going to work every … Continue reading Day 391

I’m still searching. Endlessly reaching for something in the pitch black. As I drove to this event the words were bubbling. I was in my car screaming at myself. This is not metaphorical in the slightest. I was yelling at myself. “Why!? Why are you still tormenting me? Let me be. I feel beyond crazy. … Continue reading Day 381

I went to a writing workshop the other night. Before we began we went around the table introducing ourselves and who we had lost. As these woman spoke my heart ached. Here they were loss of husband, father, fiancé, a child. Some experiencing anticipatory grief. No matter. These were my people. I was at home … Continue reading Day 380

So much death. Both physically and metaphorically. I’m so fucking sick of death. I did not agree an eternity to death. I made a promise to my husband. To remain unwavering in the storm. I’m angry. God I am fucking angry again! Waves Waves Waves Ready? Steady? Go! ........... *BOOM* I have been searching endlessly … Continue reading Day 378

“They say, "You're a little much for me You're a liability You're a little much for me" So they pull back, make other plans I understand, I'm a liability Get you wild, make you leave I'm a little much for everyone” - Lorde Grief is so insidious. Giving you a mile when you ask for … Continue reading Day 374

One of the things I respected most about Dave was the close relationship he maintained with his parents. He had not always been able to show up as the son he would have wanted to be. So he made sure to put effort in daily to be who he believed his parents deserved. It was … Continue reading Day 372

Grief is ever evolving. It’s not just the initial loss. Though that is the picture we attach to said grief. It’s two to three losses a day. A hundred a month. And thousands within a year. It’s standing in line at the check out counter laughing to yourself about an inside joke you had with … Continue reading Day 370

You need to write... You need to write Jess! I don’t know about others but when I need to write I NEED TO WRITE! I get shaky and the chills. My mind races. Until I open my notepad and begin. Like a creative flu. I’m at this point in my grief cycle where I don’t … Continue reading Day 365

Sitting in a bed we had once shared together. That was our sons first “big boy” bed. The one that has a rock n rye stain in the right corner. Now sitting in your brothers old room. I was consumed with the thought that I would need to go downstairs. That is where I left … Continue reading Day 361