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Dear tiny Jess, My morning meditation brought on a tidal wave of clarity. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. It’s time to take back my innocent eyed little explorer. It’s time to dig and deep and pull out any lingering skewed ideals. To look directly at my deepest fears and address … Continue reading Day 862

This evening I was challenged. I was staring directly at one of my deep rooted fears. I know I am not alone in this. I had financial insecurity out the roof, I fell short as a mother, and was embarrassed as a member of society. I took the kids to the store to grab some … Continue reading Day 847

Bath time meditations 🧘‍♀️ "Dear insecurity I hate the way you make me feel I hate the things you make me think You make me sick to my stomach I wish that I wasn’t me Some days, when I wake up I see myself in the mirror I feel like what shouldn’t be couldn’t be … Continue reading Day 828

" When you swallow someone whole, you are bound to choke" -Walk the Moon I haven’t been writing. For fear that the pain will seep further into my veins. That I will drive even more of the living away. What if I admit I’m not doing great? Will I crumble under the weight of longing … Continue reading Day 806

Steady your breath.It’s sharp I know.Nothing new to you. Today I lost trust in the last person I believed I could depend on.My life has been a series of smiles that slowly diminish into frowns dripping in tears. I had to ground myself.“Shed all that no longer serves you.” Loss.Loss.Loss.LOSS! I am so tired.I miss … Continue reading Day 783

I am having this issue…. Ruminating about how for so long now I have had a longing for something.Usually very specified in intent for me.I longed for Prescott.I long for Christmas of 2002.I longed for my Mom’s old house in Colorado.I long for my dog.I longed for my husband. What I say next does not … Continue reading Day 778

But she was like my mom ......? Loss doesn't discriminate. This hurts. I’ve been wanting to text my aunt. About spiritual questions. About how long you cook a pork loin. About the kids. About dealing with this new grief. About the stupid mundane pointless communication. I want to text my aunt and received ten messages … Continue reading Day 766

"I have made sacrifices So many sacrifices I done gave up so much free time knowing time ain’t free Fuck it, I sacrificed it To get ahead man you gotta make sacrifices Fuck it though, that's how hungry my appetite is" - Big Sean (Sacrifices) I might disintegrate. This feels like another piece of me … Continue reading Day 733 (Hiatus)