One of the things I appreciate most about myself is my ability to completely self destruct and begin construction within a few hours. That is not to say I do not process. That I don’t honor my feelings and emotions. That somehow I have shoved it down again. This is not my way. I spend … Continue reading Day 489
An adult relationship: I want to jump of a cliff into everything we could be but kids and responsibilities I want to spend every second from this moment on with you but work and reality. I want to build home and family with no one else but you but distance..... but doubt really. I don’t … Continue reading Day 488
I feel weak today. Ironic since I felt so empowered just 48 hours ago. I felt weak at work. Incompetent. Incapable. Insecure. I walked into a meeting to train others on something I don’t fully understand and was physically shaking. Many times each day I feel inadequate. That my 150% that I never had to … Continue reading Day 485
“Around here, it's the hardest time of year. Waking up, the days are even gone. The collar of my coat Lord help me, cannot help the cold. The raindrops sting my eyes I keep them closed. I'm all right. Don't I seem to be? Aren't I swinging on the stars? Don't I wear them on my … Continue reading Day 483
The calm arrived. I prayed, begged, cried, screamed for the serenity to settle with grace. And let me tell you, it did. That is not to say I have been calm across the board. No no no. I had lists of things I hoped to accomplish. They were too long. My children are growing and … Continue reading Day 476
I have acted CRAZY Insane Irrational Spiraling disaster After the purge of yesterday I felt light. Heavy at first as the energy it held was releasing from my system but lighter none the less. I am growing I can feel it. Past judgement. Past my fears. Past the secretiveness I have held onto like a … Continue reading Day 472
I have been relatively open about this new love. With you guys and him. More open than I have been with most people in life at any point. I went to see him this last week. Somehow since November we have seen each other on three different occasions regardless of the 750 miles difference pushing … Continue reading Day 471
I do not know how to do this. Even though most days I feel almost like a veteran of widowhood the reality is that it has only been 15 months. I am still just beginning. Lately my son has been hurting. This is something I don’t know how to fix. There are no words to … Continue reading Day 468
Please tell me again how horrible your husband is. Complain about him choosing softball over time with you and the kids. Tell me how the dishes pile up in the sink. How he leaves his socks EVERYWHERE. Scream about communication that you yourself have no idea how to do. Roll your eyes while he watches … Continue reading Day 466
You know, there'll come a day were you meet this girl, and she's going to blow you away. She's going to talk about things you never even new existed this side of the movie screen. She'll talk like she is a hundred years old and fought through every war that has ever been waged. She'll … Continue reading This is not my writing but these words were too true not to share
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