Day 466

Please tell me again how horrible your husband is. 

Complain about him choosing softball over time with you and the kids.

Tell me how the dishes pile up in the sink.

How he leaves his socks EVERYWHERE.

Scream about communication that you yourself have no idea how to do.

Roll your eyes while he watches Moonshiners all night long, cursing him your head.

Now stop

Imagine suddenly your person is gone. 

Let me tell you about the ache for those stupid socks.

How I have watched shows I never liked, still don’t, to feel something close to him again. 

How I am THE only one there to do dishes now. 

How I only know brutal honesty or silence.

How I still buy his favorite treats at the store only to throw them away just to lie to myself for a second. 

Every day I see more people entering my tribe.

Death is rampant.

I see “veterans” struggle in their own cycles.

Insidious. 

I see people searching for a solution to questions that have no explanation.

Today I saw the loss of a child.

Senseless cruel universe.

My heart aches.

Lump in my throat.

Stomach uneasy.

I want to understand.

It’s so easy to get lost in the stress of life.

I don’t want to forget how lucky I still am.

I want to appreciate and be present. 

Even in the mist of loss. 

#fuckcancer

#fucksuicide

#fuckaddiction