“My castle crumbled overnight
I brought a knife to a gunfight
They took the crown, but it’s alright
All the liars are calling me won
Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doing better than I ever was”
The calm descended like a warm weighted blanket while lost in an arctic tundra. I had a pivotal realization that I was attempting to prove my existence by screaming verbally but remaining silent. Pausing I asked myself why I am so quiet when I only hear constant chattering? What was the root of that fear? I spent all day holding my breath only to gasp for air every night. Why choose that? Because the reality is I was choosing even when it felt choice less.
With in this new outlook I have found such peace. I have retreated not in fear or despair but because I can sit with me again. What a beautiful experience this is. I am filled with unending gratitude for all life has give me. While not impressive on paper I am proud of my perseverance. This home, job, family, and love has been all I have prayed for. For how ever long it stays my path will have been worth today.
I am incredibly strong,
I know I am loved,
And I have never felt so enough.
The Optimistic Widow 