Day 726

“There’s no shadow you won’t light up. Mountain you won’t climb up coming after me” -Reckless Love (Cory Ashbury)

I must have been forgiven….

For something…

I feel as though I am sitting still in the middle of the rock concert.

So surreal to finally step back to see the whole picture.

Reprioritizing one area at a time.

I couldn’t see that was possible before.

The pile of shit I threw in the corner together had spilled on each other, bonded, grew, became a beast I was ill prepared to encounter.

There was no light except the flicker of my monsters eyes.

I was deep deep in my abyss.

This is not disassociation, THANK GOD!

This is something new.

The eye of the storm perhaps?

For 48 hours straight I’ve felt ok.

It’s been centuries in my mind.

I needed it so desperately.

I was shriveling.

Isolating in plain sight.

My soul starving from being feed crumbs falling off toast for what feels like my entire existence.

(Damn I am dramatic 🙄)

“Rip down the curtains.

This is not a dungeon.

You were not sent to the purgatory you have Stockholm syndromed yourself into.

“Darkness exists to make light truly count.”

I mean right Jess?

Let it be.

Now get up!

Praise god.

Buy groceries.

Smile at the kids.

Eat something.

Be present.”