As many of us have experience my last relationship, although not abusive or cruel in anyway, destroyed most of the “self confidence” I swore I had. It silenced me as it came to a close being that I had no reason to be upset or hold resentment. He treated me well but at some point we each had the decision to either jump or walk away. I jumped. He did not. My first true deep guttural love after my husband turned to me and said “I don’t love you. I want to. I wish I did but I don’t” ……. art is my blood. My soul food. My muscle. And I pushed it away. “When not even the damaged can love the damaged you truly are broken” was my mantra as I continued to build a new life for my family. I would not deter. This at its core had nothing nothing nothing to do with him. He was the one that said “Here’s the switch. See what you find” I am fighting back for myself. From myself. Finding my soul language day after day. It’s ok to feel broken. It’s ok to love and not be loved in return. It’s ok to know that you. YOU alone are worth fighting for.
Sorry vent and vid.
#fuckfear #iwillspeakmytruthinanyformittakes
The Optimistic Widow 