Day 525

My little stud muffin.

Oh man.

Somehow you are already 4!

How does that happen.

This last year has been incredibly hard on us both.

You and I.

We are literally fire and air.

I feed into you as you fuel me.

We really are undeniably similar.

Both stubborn beyond reason.

Both imaginative.

Both giving to the point of harming ourselves.

I am so sorry for all the times I raise my voice or loose my patience.

I wish I could say without a doubt that I will stop but I can’t.

I will however promise to pause at some point (hopefully sooner rather than later) and apologize.

I promise to play in the rain more.

I hadn’t seen you smile that big in a long time.

I promise to let you and Sissy make messes without me immediately wigging out.

To paint more without the fear of splatter.

To help grow your dreams big and your goals achievable.

To give you cake for no reason other than your fierce love of all things “chocolick”

I think back to times of Daddy teaching you how to hit the ball in the house.

Playing catch in the living room after dinner.

Sneaking you snickers.

He knew how to not take life so seriously.

I promise to try with all that I am.

I walked into your daycare today to pick you up and *WHAM*

I stood there watching you sitting nicely.

Playing at the table.

In your own world.

I had a very vivid memory of your Dad and I picking you up from daycare.

It was Monday.

October 10th 2016

For the first time in a long time your Dad stood silently watching you color.

He turned back to me.

“I love him so much” he whispered

A smile across his face.

You turned.

“Papa!”

You ran to him.

“Buddy!”

Huge hug.

My heart was full.

I used to live for those moments.

Those were our last moments together.

None of us knew but it was.

As I watch you grow into this tiny little man I can’t help but emotional thinking of all you have endured and overcome in the past four years.

You my son are incredibly strong.

I was lost before you and I know if it wasn’t for you I would have given up.

Thank you for the goofy faces.

The moments of tenderness shared between you and Izzy.

Stopping me just for hugs.

Singing randomly just because art in all forms feeds our souls.

You really are our sunshine ☀️

Daddy would be so proud.

Happy big 4 Muffin Man.

You are beyond loved.