Day 205

“Nothing goes as planned. Everything will break. People say goodbye in their own special way. All that you relay on and all that you can fake. Will leave you in the morning but find you in the day. Oh you’re in my veins and I cannot get you out. Everything will change. Nothing stays the same and nobody here’s perfect” -Andrew Belle

The problem with moving is you have to go through all of your stuff. You slowly sort through the boxes finding your favorite shirt or a video game from six years ago. Maybe you break a mirror or two in transit. Yet it didn’t immediately cross my mind that once again I would have to pick up the little box that now holds my husband. That as I felt the weight a flood of memories would resurface. Allowing the tears to roll down my face I sat an explained why it will never be goodbye but I want to grow. I want to remember him and be able to smile. I want to find me again. I don’t want to be the “widow” I don’t want to be Jess Dave’s wife. I want to just be me. I know that Illinois will bring so many new plot twists in my life but I’m ready. And honestly I think he understands. So why feel guilt for just wanting to live again? Ugh 😑 I’m ready! I’m ready! Do you hear me? I’m ready…. all in due time I guess. I travel the road of many sisters before 🙏

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