Day 933

Many times I am quick to say “I don’t know if I understand true love.” Not that I haven’t given and received. It’s more that I was not cognizant enough to accept. The quieter I am getting with myself the more I am hearing the repetitive loop of lies I feed myself. No wonder I wig out every six months or so. I understand more than ever why my laundry can build up or I can go a week ingesting only energy drinks. I can’t help but question if I were this erratic with you. Maybe even more having literally just had a child. Yet here you are…… looking at Aj and I with such love. I miss you today. It hurts. Thank you for reminding me that the belief of not being lovable is completely fabricated. The truth is I am lovable, I was loved, I lost. I am grateful for this look I spent our life ignoring. I wish I would have been wiser.

I love you Poopa