I guess I should address this day. I have spent most of the day trying to figure out how it has only been two months and how you have already been gone for two FUCKING months. How? I literally feel like it has been years. So much has happened. My life is so so different. I can’t remember what it was like hearing you snore next to me. I can’t remember your smell. Although I find myself going to buy your favorite snacks at the store. I hate this. I don’t understand this at all. I feel like I should be in bed crying all the time. I mean it literally has been like no time at all but I’m not. Honestly I don’t want to be that way. It makes me feel like a terrible person. It’s fucked when feeling strong and resilient also makes you feel the worst you ever have. I still wake up in the morning wishing you would be there and that maybe it was all just some sick twisted lesson. I know though that it’s not. This my reality. I’m just trying to make the best of it. I get so resentful when people say “you are so strong. You’re handling this so well.” I don’t feel that way. I feel like a fake and a poser. I feel lost most of the time. I feel overwhelmed and weak. I just feel like a robot in the world. If I show weakness people would either worry or start gossiping about how obviously I was bound to fall apart. I just want to do right by the kids. I really really miss pretty much everything we had. I hope wherever you are it’s calm and peaceful. I hope it’s full of breaded chicken and rock n rye. Every time the Lions score tears fill my eyes because I know how happy you would be. I love you Poopa. Please keep pushing me forward I’m starting to run out of steam.